After abuse: The unique programme offering families a pathway towards recovery
It’s Easter half-term at Cowgate Centre, a space usually filled with the comings and goings of babies, children and their families. Today is much calmer though; the centre is unusually quiet with term-time activities on pause. It is in this peaceful space the DARE programme is delivered.
DARE stands for Domestic Abuse Recovery and Education. Every school holiday (apart from Christmas), Children North East deliver this unique programme, supporting children and young people who have experienced or observed domestic abuse.
“The connection the children make with each other is incredibly important. They see they are not alone, there can be support and understanding from people within their age group.”
Those who have experienced domestic abuse are not alone. Children’s charity Barnardo’s estimates that 800,000 in the UK are impacted by domestic abuse [1], thought to be the tip of the iceberg. The Domestic Abuse Act 2021, recognised for the first time in UK law, that children under the age of 18 years who observe abuse and its effects, are essentially victims themselves.
“The whole programme is about giving children a voice about the things that have happened to them and witnessed,” shares Kwanele Bhebhe, Domestic Abuse Coordinator at Children North East and one of the DARE delivery team.
“Children are given a safe space to process trauma and confusion from past experiences. They should leave understanding that this shouldn’t happen to them again and know what to do if it does.”
Parents and children attend together, working in groups organised by age but coming together regularly to check-in and share. The groups take part in different sessions that are both reflective and practical. For example, one session explores what it means to feel safe and also has the young people create a safety plan for what to do if they feel in danger.
Along with processing difficult experiences, it can provide an opportunity to rebuild family relationships. Each day everyone on the programme has lunch together.
When asked what her experience of delivering the programme has been, Family Coordinator Nicola Newman shares, “It’s really powerful when you feel you have been able to support a family to communicate and have those challenging conversations about how they experienced the abuse. Giving a young person a voice can also help adults keep them safe in the future.”
Kwanele adds, “One thing we often find is that parents who are victims of abuse recognise that their sense of what a normal relationship looks like has been changed by the previously abusive relationship. They want to ‘reset’ that view – to protect their children and promote an understanding of healthy relationships to them. The DARE programme can support them to work towards that goal and speak honestly to their child about it.”
The DARE team have a wide range of experience and resources to draw on in their support, coming from a range of therapeutic and social work backgrounds, allowing them to provide support tailored to the specific needs of the families they are working with.
Julia Ruane, Family Support Worker shares, “The connection the children make with each other is incredibly important. They see they are not alone, there can be support and understanding from people within their age group.”
“When you see a child finally start to let their walls down and engage more when they break a smile… that’s what keeps me doing this work.”
Kwanele adds, “That often happens after they recognise they have been hurt and their parent recognises they have been hurt. That moment is important because it represents a step towards a better, more protected future.”
Learn more about the DARE programme and if it could support your family, or someone you know, on the Children North East website.
If you are in immediate danger as a result of domestic abuse, call 999.
National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247
If you urgently need to talk to someone about domestic abuse, including support to stay safe, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is open 24 hours a day. It is a free, confidential service which won’t appear on phone records and can provide interpreters if required.
