Everything Just Fell in to Place: Dad’s Story
“This place is amazing”.
Our Cowgate Community Hub is a place where families can come together, hosting groups for infants and toddlers, youth groups for children and teenagers and a community space to make services accessible to all. Over the years, we’ve seen hundreds of families come through our doors and be met by our dedicated staff. One family who came to us initially only visited to access one of the health services hosted on site but had such a warm welcome after a difficult period, they stayed and found a safe space and sense of community.
Adam* and his family were first introduced to Children North East by accessing Cowgate Community Hub for health visitor drop ins, as their youngest infant needed extra care to support his early development but found a place that offered so much more to the for local families.
“They learnt our names and would just have chats with us while they were working, telling us about all the activities they ran and giving us timetables to take away. Afterwards everything just fell into place.”
At first, Adam was unsure about joining the groups “[My partner and I] weren’t sure it was for us, we were worried about being judged or feeling out of place”; but after one session of music and dance session ‘Boogie Bairns’ they were hooked. “It was so fun, I was able to let loose. Think I had more fun than the kids and I liked it was in a hall with other people, you don’t feel self-conscious because everyone’s doing it and I love being playful and energetic with the kids”. Now the family are regulars, with the children attended a nearby nursery, they visit us a few times a week for breakfast or lunch at Cafe Hope, “the staff all know us really well, remember our regular orders and take menu suggestions”.
Before coming to Cowgate, Adam and his family felt quite isolated having relocated and having no family in the area, but now they are getting know some of the other families in the area, “the staff helped start it, they had me read a book out loud to the Stay & Play and asked us where we were from to start the conversation”. Talking about his experience of becoming a dad and having social services involved, Adam said, “I was so excited each time, I was telling everyone and really wanted to be involved in everything right from the start”. However, he faced some challenges. “I was encouraged to go to all the doctor’s’ appointments and scans, but subconsciously I distanced myself. I was worried I’d say the wrong thing or be taken the wrong way. I was really upfront from the start and that helped because then they would address both of us. There was a lot of support to encourage me to enjoy it and go through it with my partner.” This gave Adam the confidence to advocate for his family and speak up during appointments, to make sure he could properly support his partner; “it’s a lot of pressure to put on one person [Mum], I’d always say ‘tell me’, because I’m not going through all the body changes, nausea, hormone changes and I can help her”. It’s common for men to feel left out and excluded from the pregnancy as they are not prioritised as an equal partner, which in turn puts a lot of pressure on the pregnant person. Current UK paternity leave mandates two antenatal appointments for a partner to attend, however the pregnant person attends on average 10 appointments during their pregnancy.
Through his own personal journey with counselling and mindfulness, prior to engaging with Children North East, Adam felt he was better able to connect with his family and be more open about how he was feeling, “I’m human, I get sad, I get happy… I think for a lot of men they internalise and don’t know how to express it”. Sharing little moments of joy helped him to recognise how far they had all come, “[Since leaving social care support] we’re in such a good place, all of us … the older one helped feed his brother dinner last night and gets his juice bottle for him … there’s a whole list of words he’s saying now”. Adam has found with his peers it can be hard to find a connection or open a casual conversation about their kids, “Guys just don’t talk about that stuff”, but he wanted to encourage other men to try. “I think Dads have a lot of internalised pressure of ‘I have to work, I have to provide’ and it doesn’t come from their partner, it comes from them.”
Adam praised the staff for their spontaneous acts of kindness, recalling, “We were having lunch when one of the team offered to take a family photo, saying we probably didn’t have many like that.” In the midst of the chaos that often defines family life, gestures like this can mean a great deal. Giving parents the chance to pause and preserve a special moment helps them feel seen and valued. It’s these small yet thoughtful actions that foster a sense of belonging – laying the groundwork for strong, supportive family connections. Even this small moment from our team made Adam feel valued and recognised at Cowgate.
Adam has now entered the Volunteer programme with Children North East, “they recognise the potential and encourage you to develop your skills”, and one of his goals is to set up a Men’s Group to encourage more men to come to Cowgate in the hope they’ll have as good an experience as he and his family have had. “I’d like to set up a Pie Club or something similar, then maybe once a month the kids could come too but it would give guys a chance to have a chat without feeling judged or watched.”
We are very proud of the safe, welcoming space our team have built at Cowgate Community Hub and the range of services they offer to support the mix of families we welcome through the doors. As Adam looks forward to the future, we’re excited to see where he takes his ideas for more men’s support in the area and know he’ll be a great addition to the team.
If you would like to know more about what we do at Cowgate, email [email protected] or check out this page
