He’s Real, He’s Perfect: How Little Minds in Mind Supported Me

Thank you to J, a brave mam who has shared her story to empower others to do the same and address their own mental health struggles both during and after pregnancy.

I’ve always been a firm believer in the bravest thing you can ever do is ask for help, that was never more true for me than when I was navigating pregnancy after loss.

Having lost my first child due to a missed miscarriage, falling pregnant with my second child only a few months later was the most terrifying time. I spent the weeks from my positive pregnancy test on the run up to my first appointment overanalysing every symptom, paying for private scans every week and in a constant state of fear.

I already felt like there was a lack of support available for me as I had “only experienced one loss” I didn’t fit the criteria for perinatal mental health support via my local NHS hospital’s rainbow clinic. On reflection looking back now, I felt I had no choice but to be honest and tell my health visitor how much I was struggling – the crippling anxiety was written all over my face.

When my health visitor suggested she make a referral for me to engage with Little Minds in Mind, I was sceptical if I was able to be helped but had nothing to lose, I couldn’t possibly feel worse than I already did.

Throughout my whole pregnancy I was petrified to bond with my baby in fear of another loss, I felt like I wasn’t ‘normal’ and worried what would happen if my baby was born healthy but I still didn’t feel that connection. I completely shut down and isolated myself from friends and family. Though I was able to share some of my thoughts with my husband, I kept a lot to myself as I felt so guilty for ruining his experience of what should have been an exciting time.

Within minutes of meeting Sarah from Little Minds in Mind I knew I’d made the right decision in speaking out and seeking support.

There was no topic that was ‘too much’ or taboo, I could talk openly and brutally honestly about the guilt, shame and fear I was experiencing knowing that Sarah would listen and not judge. She made me feel heard, she understood, and respected my grief and why I was feeling the way that I was. Through our visits and regular phone check ins, she made me think of things from a completely different perspective – the fact that I was so scared to lose my baby was in itself my own way of bonding and protecting them. She made me realise that I already had those maternal instincts and was doing all I could to look after my baby by being brave enough to ask for help and seek support.

Things that would seem trivial to most like managing to finally buy nappies at the end of the third trimester and saying ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ when referring to myself and my baby towards the end of my pregnancy, I really do feel were possible due to Sarah empowering me and building up my confidence. She celebrated each win with me and comforted me during the lows. She also offered advice and signposting to both me and my husband regarding what support would be available postnatally should I feel I need it. Knowing there was a safety net available and how to access it was a great comfort.

There was no magic wand or quick fix, my mental health was poor throughout my whole pregnancy but with Little Minds in Minds help and support I was better able to cope. When my son was born safely, the first time I looked at him I said to my husband “he’s real, he’s perfect.” I was so excited to introduce Sarah to him as she played such a huge role in his safe arrival and my journey to motherhood.

My husband and I are forever thankful to Sarah and Little Minds in Mind.

 

*Names have been changed to protect individual’s identities.